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part of my defensive defensiveness really comes from my desire to be understood right i think at the end of the day i am defending the idea that you dont understand me its not about whether or not what i did was right or wrong it could have been wrong but i want to feel like you understand why i made the choice that i made because i feel like if you understood then maybe you wouldnt be so angry or maybe you would be more compassionate i want to be understood the only issue with wanting to be understood is that it often keeps you from having connection because its difficult to connect with someone who was so guarded and so defensive and i am beginning to believe that defensiveness is one of the symptoms of feeling like you are the only one the only one who understands exactly what youre up against the only one who could possibly be in your family who has any idea that this generational curse exists but also needs to be broken i heard my sister armani talking about how do i go back