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a few years ago my mom and I got stuck in a classic conflict whenever we talked on the phone she had accused me of not calling her enough and Id accuse her of being too critical and one of us would hang up on the other and around and round it went familiar situation to anyone else here this took up so much of my time and energy and the funny thing is I am the conflict resolution expert which didnt help me at all because I was emotionally hijacked and furious but when I calmed down I remembered my beloved mentor dr. mordough a father of conflict resolution who made a very simple but profound discovery about conflict its self-perpetuating Ive spent five whole years in graduate school studying just some of the factors that perpetuate this conflict loop and what I discovered is that in our efforts to resolve conflict we often make it worse when youre stuck in recurring conflicts you develop conflict habits like avoiding or blaming other people blaming yourself or relentlessly seeking