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there is a certain sort of relationship that is alternately passionate fiery and painfully unfulfilling and that tends to puzzle both outsiders and its participants a relationship between one person who is a psychologist putted on sh ously attached and another who is avoidant ly attached there is in such couplings a constant game of push and pull the anxiously attached party typically complains more or less loudly that their partner is not responsive enough they accuse them of being emotionally distant withholding cold and perhaps physically uninterested to the avoidant lover for their part stays relatively quiet but in their more fed up moments complains that the anxious party is far too demanding possibly mad and as they put it pejoratively too needy one person seems to want far too much the other far too little the unhappiness unfolds in a cycle at the start the anxious partner loves the avoidant one with great intensity but in time also growing frustration the dissatisfaction grows