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doctors what was the best excuse youve heard from someone having something stuck in their butt Story one I went to med school in the Deep South Burley middle-aged Southern gentleman showed up in the Ed Chief complaint rectal pain after a full history and physical examination couldnt ascertain the cause of his pain other than him saying feels like somethings up there we decide to start with some x-rays before we obtain them he says all right Im Gonna Be Square with you I was walking down the street minding my own business when these thugs jumped out of nowhere and held me down and stuck a cucumber at my butt please you gotta get it out I immediately went to get my attending one surgical consult and GI consult later a cucumber wrapped in a condom was extracted from this mans rectum oh they caught the Cucumber Bandits I was walking down the street minding my own business when these thongs jumped out of nowhere and held me down and stuck a cucumber up my butt shake my head look how f