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[Music] most children now have older parents right because people arent having children until theyre in their 30s and theres a big difference between having a parent whos in his or her 30s and having a parent whos in her 20s yep the 20 year olds are still kind of like kids and theyre going to be more usefully neglectful i would say well look one one of the things we used to do with my daughter when she was very little was you know she was about a year and a half is wed wed have her in a room alone and she would usually complain about that for a few minutes and then shed find a way to amuse herself you know she she liked to take books out of shelves and put them back in and like if if you let her be get through that initial bit of misery then she would learn how to regulate herself and and she got very good at that um and so thats a good example of minor privation having a positive influence but you know children used to have multiple siblings and siblings toughen you up beca