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[Music] Im standing on the sixth floor of a tower block overlooking a playground I knock on Toms door and his four daughters come out and they crowd around me they give me a warning shot dont tell Dad hes dying he couldnt cope they stand in the corners of room as I go over to Tom he looks frail and jaundiced in a big armchair he beckons me down and whispers in my ear dont tell my daughters Im dying they wont be able to cope were born and we die deaths like birth can be quick and painless or it can be protracted and distressing but when we know were going to give birth we have lots of lots of time dont women we have months where we go to the doctors go to classes we probably read books swap stories with our friends we have a plan and we know what to expect but its not quite like that when youre dying how would you know what to expect in 2009 I went to a small festival in Dorset and it was about death and dying and Id been a community hospice nurse for 12 years then but it