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so what then is secure attachment now there are a lot of misunderstandings about a secure attachment so iamp;#39;ll just tell you what secure attachment looks like in an adult and these are the two defining features and if anyone says anything else you know just say no no no no itamp;#39;s not itamp;#39;s just not the way it is so the two defining features of secure attachment in adults is one you can effectively work towards solving problems and two you can help yourself when youamp;#39;re emotionally hurt you can be there for yourself effectively help yourself feel better regulate and so on and so forth and you can do that together with another person as well so something called you can also regulate and you can co-regulate you can have someone help you feel better while youamp;#39;re helping yourself feel better