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what we saw in the research is that 80% of the time women bring up the problems in a relationship 80% you know vast majority and I think its because again women you know we talked about how men are raised in society well women are raised in society to nurture to create connection to maintain the family unit right to create relationships and make sure the relationship is good and solid and secure so we were raised with feeling that responsibility for the relationship being good and when we detect something isnt so good were going to bring it up and thats what causes a lot of the frustration is that we we dont realize we dont have empathy for how the other person is playing a role in creating the whole almost that make sense because I I understand as I said my relationship wouldnt be as good if my partner didnt bring up issues MH but when she brings up issues Im like why are you bringing up issues you know what I mean and its that having that sure but again um is she bringing u